Whenever my teammates or my friends are gone or away for a long period of time. I starts rethink myself if I did anything wrong or anything I should have done but I didn't finish it after all.

Recently, I knew that one of my old friend, now starting a company of selling alcohol. Hereby I really wish his company is growing day by day. Then soon after, I was being described as a useless person since all the plan I promoted were never executed.

I must confess that I really do not know how to face my family and friends sometimes. I have a very complicated background which I am not going to explain here. However, this background does give me a very unusual young age and my experience of living. Nonetheless, I am pretty useless after all. I am being supported by many of my friends at all time.

Some said I worked like as a bridge, a connector between everyone around. I created a space, to accommodate everyone and everything. I never think of that. I never believe myself in such way.

I wanted to do a lot of thing. I have a lot of things in my mind at all time. I do not know how to explain them. I do not know how to achieve them. That what makes me feels like I am very useless at different way.

I am not asking for help. I am just seeking the way to free myself from guilty.

I am not even sure if there is an answer for myself.